Wednesday, September 19, 2007
We spend our entire lives trying to live up to the expectations of others so that we may garner a modicum of trust and confidence in ourselves and in our morality - who we are depends of what we project. Perhaps, we are only ghosts of our inner selves. This lesson is taught to us early on, often accompanied by the phrase "What would people think?" All aspects of our outward appearance are carefully chosen to reflect what we wish to be. Our egos become inextricably attached to what we own and what we say.
Heavens forbid anyone trying to live outside that construct. And so, I have inside my head a little old lady chastizing me every second of my life. She used to have a general old lady voice, but it has lately become very specific. "Oh, you're not going to wear that are you?", "Stop biting your nails", etc. She regularly tells me of my inadequacies, and if I let her, if on any given day she wins, I lose and everything becomes very flat and dim and no amount of sun will fade the clouds.
However, most days, I kill her in the morning and skull-fuck her well into the nighttime. ;)